April 11, 2011
Birthday Post Part Deux
Sitting in class, not paying attention. It's the usual. So instead of listening to my rather boring professor talk endlessly about the almost government shutdown, I'm surfing the interwebz and blogging. I think this is a better alternative. I should get a free pass because it's my birthday. YAY! But unfortunately since there has been no Presidential proclamation for it to be a holiday (one from Prez Skorty would work too) today is a Monday like any other day -le sigh-. Womp womp.
The Birthday Post
Today is April 11, 2011. This is the most important day on any calendar anywhere in the world. Why you ask? Because IT'S MAH BIRTHDAY!!!! THAT'S WHY!!!!
So 19 years ago today I was a newborn babe (no swaddling clothes unfortunately...they left me butt ass naked for a while. jk they had a blankie ready). I don't really have much else to say besides thank you to all of my friends who have supported me for so long (and for an awesome weekend leading up to today) and a very very VERY special thanks to my family for making me who I am today. And last but not least to my parents, without whom I literally could not be here today, especially my mom. For so long she's been both parents to me. She been the one to correct me when I'm wrong and to congratulate me when I'm right. She's shown up to ridiculous school events that were not at all important to anyone but me. She's watched me recite poems at harvest festivals, play piano badly at recitals, watched me pretend to be a tiny ballerina in a black leotard and a pink tutu and climb trees even though she knew I would eventually fall out of said trees (I have the scars to prove her wisdom). My mother went through a whole day of labor to give birth to a tiny six and a half pound "cute red little alien no bigger than my hand," according to my grandmother. And over the course of the following nineteen years, my mother struggled and fought and succeeded to give me the life she thought I deserved and I thank her for every minute of those years. In all honesty we fight like Holyfield and Tyson sometimes but after that's all said and done she's still my best friend in the whole world.
So what I'm getting at here is that today is really her day and not mine. I simply was born and screamed a little, while she pushed and endured my demanding newborn ass for a day (possibly more) and delivered a whole new life into the world. Today is not just my birthday, today is the day the most amazing woman in the world became my mother.
So 19 years ago today I was a newborn babe (no swaddling clothes unfortunately...they left me butt ass naked for a while. jk they had a blankie ready). I don't really have much else to say besides thank you to all of my friends who have supported me for so long (and for an awesome weekend leading up to today) and a very very VERY special thanks to my family for making me who I am today. And last but not least to my parents, without whom I literally could not be here today, especially my mom. For so long she's been both parents to me. She been the one to correct me when I'm wrong and to congratulate me when I'm right. She's shown up to ridiculous school events that were not at all important to anyone but me. She's watched me recite poems at harvest festivals, play piano badly at recitals, watched me pretend to be a tiny ballerina in a black leotard and a pink tutu and climb trees even though she knew I would eventually fall out of said trees (I have the scars to prove her wisdom). My mother went through a whole day of labor to give birth to a tiny six and a half pound "cute red little alien no bigger than my hand," according to my grandmother. And over the course of the following nineteen years, my mother struggled and fought and succeeded to give me the life she thought I deserved and I thank her for every minute of those years. In all honesty we fight like Holyfield and Tyson sometimes but after that's all said and done she's still my best friend in the whole world.
So what I'm getting at here is that today is really her day and not mine. I simply was born and screamed a little, while she pushed and endured my demanding newborn ass for a day (possibly more) and delivered a whole new life into the world. Today is not just my birthday, today is the day the most amazing woman in the world became my mother.
April 10, 2011
Diary Blogging
I think I need to explain something.
When I first started this blog it was to express my feelings about the politics of our age. So this was initially a political blog and now it's evolved into more of an online diary. The reason I write what I write is because I live in the selfish hope that what I'm feeling can help someone else. Another reason is that writing helps me work through the feelings I couldn't be able to work out in any other way. The most logical way would be to get a therapist but shrinks are expensive and I don't have that kind of cash floating around in my laundry pockets, so this blog is my shrink. What I write is free-thought all the way. I sign in and I just write. I don't even come up with a proper title for my posts until I am done writing whatever it is that comes out. I honestly don't plan out these posts most of the time. So what I write here is me. I say what I would normally say in real life. I really do think these things and I recognize the faults in myself through my diary blogging (which is the term I'm going to use for what I'm doing here...and as I write that I realize that should be the title of this post, so it will be). When I write the state of mind I'm in tends to be somewhat moody and I'm sorry about that. I pawn off a lot of my emotions to the gods of blogging and maybe that's the coward's way of deal with things. But so be it. I realize that some of the things I say here may not make sense to anyone but me but honestly that is what I need and this is my blog and I have the right to say whatever I want on here (as long as I don't violate any law, of course). I have a feeling that some of my posts seem a bit on the bipolar side especially when it comes to the topic of boys (Chris in particular). Since I know some of my family reads this blog I want you to know that I am really ok. There will be no bridge-jumping in my future unless it's the only way I'll survive the impending apocalypse and whatnot.
The point I'm trying to get to is that this blog is my way of dealing with life. And with all the ups and downs that I've shared through this blog I really have to thank everyone who reads this blog because not only have you witnessed the twists and turns of my life you have also witnessed a girl falling in love with the art of writing. I realize that writing will be a part of my future no matter what else life has to throw at me.
I will also use this opportunity to apologize for future blog posts. I sense that this will be something of a melancholic week for me (even though tomorrow is my 19th birthday) and I'll be posting some super melancholic stuff. So all I ask is that you bear with me as I figure out life and whenever you want to feel free to tell me what you're thinking about my posts or whatever is going on in my life. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's taking constructive criticism.
Thank you for reading.
When I first started this blog it was to express my feelings about the politics of our age. So this was initially a political blog and now it's evolved into more of an online diary. The reason I write what I write is because I live in the selfish hope that what I'm feeling can help someone else. Another reason is that writing helps me work through the feelings I couldn't be able to work out in any other way. The most logical way would be to get a therapist but shrinks are expensive and I don't have that kind of cash floating around in my laundry pockets, so this blog is my shrink. What I write is free-thought all the way. I sign in and I just write. I don't even come up with a proper title for my posts until I am done writing whatever it is that comes out. I honestly don't plan out these posts most of the time. So what I write here is me. I say what I would normally say in real life. I really do think these things and I recognize the faults in myself through my diary blogging (which is the term I'm going to use for what I'm doing here...and as I write that I realize that should be the title of this post, so it will be). When I write the state of mind I'm in tends to be somewhat moody and I'm sorry about that. I pawn off a lot of my emotions to the gods of blogging and maybe that's the coward's way of deal with things. But so be it. I realize that some of the things I say here may not make sense to anyone but me but honestly that is what I need and this is my blog and I have the right to say whatever I want on here (as long as I don't violate any law, of course). I have a feeling that some of my posts seem a bit on the bipolar side especially when it comes to the topic of boys (Chris in particular). Since I know some of my family reads this blog I want you to know that I am really ok. There will be no bridge-jumping in my future unless it's the only way I'll survive the impending apocalypse and whatnot.
The point I'm trying to get to is that this blog is my way of dealing with life. And with all the ups and downs that I've shared through this blog I really have to thank everyone who reads this blog because not only have you witnessed the twists and turns of my life you have also witnessed a girl falling in love with the art of writing. I realize that writing will be a part of my future no matter what else life has to throw at me.
I will also use this opportunity to apologize for future blog posts. I sense that this will be something of a melancholic week for me (even though tomorrow is my 19th birthday) and I'll be posting some super melancholic stuff. So all I ask is that you bear with me as I figure out life and whenever you want to feel free to tell me what you're thinking about my posts or whatever is going on in my life. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's taking constructive criticism.
Thank you for reading.
April 7, 2011
Sometimes Only Heavy Metal Knows How You Feel
I get ribbed on a lot because I like heavy metal and dark metal music. But honestly what else do people listen to when they're pissed? Mozart? No if you listen to Mozart or Chopin when you are angry then the worst thing to ever happen to you in life was a paper cut (conclusion made on years of observation).
The combination of heavy guitar riffs, bass and drums just makes all the anger come out of my pores. When I start listening to a heavy metal song, I am one person; angry, possibly hating life. At the end of a song (or an entire album depending on how angry or frustrated I am) I am able to see the light again. The world becomes a more manageable place and life doesn't suck as much anymore. To you sweet poptart song lovers who think I sound demented or sick and whatnot GET OFF MY BLOG! Thank you have a good day.
To enjoy the pure craziness that comes with metal enjoy the following
This is one of my favorite songs from the 'Sucker Punch' soundtrack. Sucker Punch by the way was a great movie. Don't listen to the critics, I had a great time (I was slightly depressed at the end, but it was well worth it).
And here is the genius that is Till Lindemann and the band Rammstein with "Sonne" which is German for "the Sun." Richard Kruspe is a guitar genius! I show you the live video instead of the album version or the official video because it's easier to see the emotion Till puts into his words. I should add Till doesn't sound his best here because a) doing a live show is hard and b) this is well into the concert (almost at the end in fact) so the poor guy must have been tired at this point. Also there's fire. Rammstein loves fire. Bloody pyros haha!
And then there's Reise Reise (German for "Arise, Arise"). Demented as hell for those who speak German or have translating capabilities at hand (Google Translate?). This song is epic and so is the scenery and action that goes with it. I repeat, Richard Kruspe is a musical genius.
And finally, one of my favorite songs ever. German band Oomph's song "Ich will dich nie mehr sehen" (I never want to see you again). This song is the right mix of anger and melody. It's perfect for those horrific days you occasionally have when you want to yell at someone or at everyone but you just can't find it in yourself to do it. Just yell "Lass mich los du feiges Schwein, ich will dich nie mehr sehen!!!" Even if you don't speak German it's perfect!
So stay strong and if you're feeling weak or vengeful or whatever, remember that sometimes only heavy metal knows how you feel. If you are a metalhead be proud of who you are and what you represent.
The combination of heavy guitar riffs, bass and drums just makes all the anger come out of my pores. When I start listening to a heavy metal song, I am one person; angry, possibly hating life. At the end of a song (or an entire album depending on how angry or frustrated I am) I am able to see the light again. The world becomes a more manageable place and life doesn't suck as much anymore. To you sweet poptart song lovers who think I sound demented or sick and whatnot GET OFF MY BLOG! Thank you have a good day.
To enjoy the pure craziness that comes with metal enjoy the following
This is one of my favorite songs from the 'Sucker Punch' soundtrack. Sucker Punch by the way was a great movie. Don't listen to the critics, I had a great time (I was slightly depressed at the end, but it was well worth it).
And here is the genius that is Till Lindemann and the band Rammstein with "Sonne" which is German for "the Sun." Richard Kruspe is a guitar genius! I show you the live video instead of the album version or the official video because it's easier to see the emotion Till puts into his words. I should add Till doesn't sound his best here because a) doing a live show is hard and b) this is well into the concert (almost at the end in fact) so the poor guy must have been tired at this point. Also there's fire. Rammstein loves fire. Bloody pyros haha!
And then there's Reise Reise (German for "Arise, Arise"). Demented as hell for those who speak German or have translating capabilities at hand (Google Translate?). This song is epic and so is the scenery and action that goes with it. I repeat, Richard Kruspe is a musical genius.
And finally, one of my favorite songs ever. German band Oomph's song "Ich will dich nie mehr sehen" (I never want to see you again). This song is the right mix of anger and melody. It's perfect for those horrific days you occasionally have when you want to yell at someone or at everyone but you just can't find it in yourself to do it. Just yell "Lass mich los du feiges Schwein, ich will dich nie mehr sehen!!!" Even if you don't speak German it's perfect!
So stay strong and if you're feeling weak or vengeful or whatever, remember that sometimes only heavy metal knows how you feel. If you are a metalhead be proud of who you are and what you represent.
April 6, 2011
Hello My Name is Allie, and I'm a Self-Tortureholic
Before I continue I ask you to read the post below,
Did you read it? Because this post won't make sense to you unless you read it.
Ok now I'm assuming you've gone out of your way to read that last post. Good. Now I'll inform you that my declaration isn't going too well.
Less than 48 hours after that post was written, something strange (for me) happened. I was at dinner with my friend Lauren. It was supposed to be a quick dinner because I had to get to the opening ceremonies for my college's model UN conference. Because of this conference I was dressed up: black sweater dress, heels, matching pearl necklace and drop earrings, and my hair was banging. Lauren and I took our normal seats in the dining hall and went to get noms (food for you old people).
No sooner do I get on line (yes I say "on line" not "in line") than I looked over and there walking in were three of Chris' teammates.
My first thought: WTF?! This is North. You don't live here. Why are you here?
Second thought: Wait......if they're here....oh no!
But I didn't see Chris so I relaxed a little...until about 45 seconds later when I almost walked into dear Christopher. Yep, this is my life. How ridiculous is it? No sooner do I swear to move on from whatever is going on in my mind, the Fates decide to throw me a curve ball. I didn't even know that the Fates liked baseball, given they're Greek and all. Well screw you Fates! I don't remember putting you in charge! Grrrrr
Where was I? Oh yea, I almost ran into him. As if that wasn't enough they just had to sit at the next table over so that I had an almost direct view/line of sight with Chris (damn him and his pretty eyes) and of course because I'm me, lots of awkward eye contact ensued. Oh yea he knows who I am now but since my friend tried to play matchmaker all those weeks ago I don't know if he wants to get to know me any better than that. But the two times I caught him looking at me directly, I didn't look like he wanted to flay me alive...in fact he seemed to, uh how do I put this in a non-self serving manner, appreciate my, uh, curves as displayed by my body-hugging sweater dress. I won't lie and say I wasn't thrilled because I was dammit! I sashayed a bit more, I crossed and uncrossed my legs numerous times (I caught I little smile once when I did this but it could have been in response to the ridiculous crap he teammates were doing). Don't judge, I have nice legs, therefore I use them. I don't have much to display up top so I use what I got going for me capiche? I was a little girlier than I normally am so forgive me for enjoying the moment.
So that was the first thing. The second thing was later on that night as I was winding down from Day 1 of CIAC (Cornell International Affairs Conference), I was relaxing on a bean bag in Rachel's room and Rachel was perusing the glories of Facebook when she suddenly stopped talking mid-sentence and adopted a facial expression similar to a cat who just ate a canary. All she said was "Um, um, um, Allie?" That was usually an indication that something interesting was on her screen so I bolted across the room to see for myself. There on the screen was a picture of Chris dancing rather closely to a black girl. He seemed rather comfortable. And that made me ecstatically happy.
Now you may be a bit confused because seeing the guy you like getting close to another girl isn't exactly what any girl wants to see but then you don't understand the significance of this picture. He was dancing with a black girl who as far as I know isn't in a top tier sorority but was instead rocking box braids like any sistah would. What does this mean? HE LIKES BLACK CHICKS! I had based my prior reasoning that Chris and I could never ever EVER happen because he didn't seem to dig ethnic chicks and now this picture was proving me wrong.
While there are many more issues besides being partial to black chicks. I'm still hopeful. But I am also cautious. I am still attempting to keep myself open to the possibility of someone else out there being absolutely perfect for me.
Stay tuned!
Did you read it? Because this post won't make sense to you unless you read it.
Ok now I'm assuming you've gone out of your way to read that last post. Good. Now I'll inform you that my declaration isn't going too well.
Less than 48 hours after that post was written, something strange (for me) happened. I was at dinner with my friend Lauren. It was supposed to be a quick dinner because I had to get to the opening ceremonies for my college's model UN conference. Because of this conference I was dressed up: black sweater dress, heels, matching pearl necklace and drop earrings, and my hair was banging. Lauren and I took our normal seats in the dining hall and went to get noms (food for you old people).
No sooner do I get on line (yes I say "on line" not "in line") than I looked over and there walking in were three of Chris' teammates.
My first thought: WTF?! This is North. You don't live here. Why are you here?
Second thought: Wait......if they're here....oh no!
But I didn't see Chris so I relaxed a little...until about 45 seconds later when I almost walked into dear Christopher. Yep, this is my life. How ridiculous is it? No sooner do I swear to move on from whatever is going on in my mind, the Fates decide to throw me a curve ball. I didn't even know that the Fates liked baseball, given they're Greek and all. Well screw you Fates! I don't remember putting you in charge! Grrrrr
Where was I? Oh yea, I almost ran into him. As if that wasn't enough they just had to sit at the next table over so that I had an almost direct view/line of sight with Chris (damn him and his pretty eyes) and of course because I'm me, lots of awkward eye contact ensued. Oh yea he knows who I am now but since my friend tried to play matchmaker all those weeks ago I don't know if he wants to get to know me any better than that. But the two times I caught him looking at me directly, I didn't look like he wanted to flay me alive...in fact he seemed to, uh how do I put this in a non-self serving manner, appreciate my, uh, curves as displayed by my body-hugging sweater dress. I won't lie and say I wasn't thrilled because I was dammit! I sashayed a bit more, I crossed and uncrossed my legs numerous times (I caught I little smile once when I did this but it could have been in response to the ridiculous crap he teammates were doing). Don't judge, I have nice legs, therefore I use them. I don't have much to display up top so I use what I got going for me capiche? I was a little girlier than I normally am so forgive me for enjoying the moment.
So that was the first thing. The second thing was later on that night as I was winding down from Day 1 of CIAC (Cornell International Affairs Conference), I was relaxing on a bean bag in Rachel's room and Rachel was perusing the glories of Facebook when she suddenly stopped talking mid-sentence and adopted a facial expression similar to a cat who just ate a canary. All she said was "Um, um, um, Allie?" That was usually an indication that something interesting was on her screen so I bolted across the room to see for myself. There on the screen was a picture of Chris dancing rather closely to a black girl. He seemed rather comfortable. And that made me ecstatically happy.
Now you may be a bit confused because seeing the guy you like getting close to another girl isn't exactly what any girl wants to see but then you don't understand the significance of this picture. He was dancing with a black girl who as far as I know isn't in a top tier sorority but was instead rocking box braids like any sistah would. What does this mean? HE LIKES BLACK CHICKS! I had based my prior reasoning that Chris and I could never ever EVER happen because he didn't seem to dig ethnic chicks and now this picture was proving me wrong.
While there are many more issues besides being partial to black chicks. I'm still hopeful. But I am also cautious. I am still attempting to keep myself open to the possibility of someone else out there being absolutely perfect for me.
Stay tuned!
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