The Official Declaration

I have given up hope. Last month I recounted the story of a girl who liked a guy who has no idea she exists. That girl was me and that guy was named Chris. I no longer think that Chris has no idea who I am because a friend of mine made sure that he knew (more on that later) but I am officially calling it quits.

For background on the story read the original post here

Why am I pulling a Palin and quitting? Well it's all very simple. I may like him but the odds of him even wanting to get to know me is something like 1 in a 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 (I believe that is called a quintillion). Let's think of it in terms of levels or leagues if you will. Christopher is top level...I'm not. I'm not a haute couture wearing, top sorority sister. I'm not in DG or Kappa or Theta (but I do love my sorority and my sisters) and I am not an athlete (used to be) nor am I an heiress (waiting for a rich uncle to kick the bucket Jane Eyre style). All of these "nots" mean one thing, the chances of our paths crossing (outside of dining halls and passing each other on a Collegetown street. And that random class we had together but he never showed up unless there was a quiz) are very small. So small that I have come to the realization that it's just not going to happen. I know some of you who read this will say "Don't give up like that" or something having to do with me not being out of his league yadda yadda but let's face facts people (since I am not in the business of lying to myself) how many of you ever ended up with your crushes? Think about it. How many out of all of those guys/girls you wanted to get to know better ended up working out for you? (that was not a rhetorical question).

After everything is said and done, this may turn out to be nothing more than an exceptionally strong infatuation as my friend Aishani suggests. I don't wanna think that a guy could so easily get me to make such a fool out of myself but it is possible. I just know that I'll continue to like him until who knows when. However, no matter how strong my feelings for him are or will be in the future, I can't in good faith continue to torture myself like this. It's hard watching girls pop up on my news feed after writing on his wall and then realizing that these girls are all Anchor Slam t-shirt wearing-Delta Gammas or soccer playing Kappas. It's hard to realize that the guy you like probably doesnt care because he's got other bitches and hoes lined up around the corner, although I am told that he doesn't get much ass which seems weird to me.

Side note- on the topic of him not getting any ass...WHY THE HELL NOT? There's nothing wrong with him! He's really hot, like REALLY (at least I think so) and he looks good with scruff or without it, though Allie here prefers the scruff (I'm disturbed that I know this) and he's got a great future ahead of him. Sure he seems a bit douchey when you first meet him but nothing ever stopped any girl on this campus in her pursuit of some hot ass (this sounds rather degrading and what not but seriously the hook up culture here is ridiculous. One night stands are alive and well in the Ivy League). To clarify, I was never interested in Chris for purely sexual reasons (but he's hot), I honestly thought he was a good (and hot) guy who I'd love to get to know better even if it was only as a (super hot) friend (did I mention he was hot?). Which brings us back to our main point...

...Even with everything I've just said I know I'll still like him. But I can't allow myself to miss any other possible opportunities with great guys because I am so hung up on this low-probability match-up.

Gong back to something I mentioned earlier in this post, a friend of mine decided she was going to play wing woman for me and sent a lovely Facebook message to Chris. In this message she included my prior blog post about him (linked above) and talked about how great I am as a person (haha). It was a valiant effort on her part but he never responded and probably trashed it thinking that we were just some crazy people pulling a prank on him. LAWLZ right? -sigh- so goes my life
 But one thing has resulted from all of this. Chris definitely knows who I am and he likes to stare...a lot. Recently in a dining hall my friends and I were eating lunch when he walked in with his posse. He sat on the other side of the room from me but I started noticing some staring going on. I may have just been paranoid and oversensitive but it was still a weird few minutes for me.

But yes, I am giving up. It's time to try to move on. I know it'll be a bit difficult for me but I'm trying.